Genie Say WHAT?
by SuprSingr
Summary: What would happen if Helga found a magic lamp? What would she wish for? Is it all a hoax or is there really such a thing as genies? AxH!


**A/N: **Okay, I'm not SURE, but I think this may be my Birthday fic... You know, my birthday is in a few days, so I've been wanting to write up some special fic from me to all you guys, but I don't know if this is it... I mean, I really like this fic, but it doesn't have too many Birthday references in it, and I want my Birthday fic to have LOTS of Birthday references in it... and CAKE! :D But I can't very well think of anything, sadly. I'm a bit uninspired. *Sighs* Hopefully, I'll come up with something before my Birthday, but if I don't, then this is officially my Birthday fic from me, to all of you! :D :D :D Enjoy!

OH! And yes, this takes place after the FTi incident, which may explain some of Helga's rage here. ;)

**Disclaimer: **SuprSingr no own rights to show. *Grunts*

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**Genie Say WHAT?**

**One-Shot**

Helga grumbled to herself bitterly, her hands stuffed down deep into the pockets of her dark purple jacket, "The nerve of that no good football head and his stupid football headed fantasies and that stupid goofy grin on his stupid face and his stupid kilt and his stupid... stupidness..." She huffed out through her nose, her unibrow furrowed and her lips pursed together tightly.

She began kicking a rock around on the sidewalk mindlessly, her thoughts elsewhere, as she took out all her anger on the poor, defenseless rock. She kicked it around a few times, before a flash of that lovesick look she'd seen on his face when he was staring at Lila sitting in the desk next to her flashed through her mind and she lost it. In a dangerous mixture of rage, burning jealousy, hurt, and sorrow, she yelled out as she kicked the the innocent stone with all her might and straight into an alley. She was breathing a bit heavy as she watched the rock fly and hit against the dirty brick wall at the end of the alley, and then fall straight into the trash can below.

She probably would have just walked on after that, wallow in her misery a bit more, maybe throw some rocks at some other kids' heads in her blind fury... but the curious sound of a loud pinging sounding from the trash can she'd kicked the stone into halted any such thoughts. She'd figured it would make pretty loud, 'clunking' sound, but a ping? It almost sounded like an Angel singing, as the sound echoed off the walls of the trash can. Helga couldn't help but blink, forgetting her jealousy and rage for a moment. After the sound had calmed down, she walked over towards the trash can, and peered down into the dark depths of banana peels, empty cans, and burrito wrappers. The first thing she was even able to process was the horrible stench that immediately hit her nose from getting so close, and she coughed a few seconds, but the horrid smell was quickly forgotten upon what she saw next...

Gold.

A golden, shining lamp, one of those old fashioned ones you might see in India or something. It was beautiful, it looked brand new... besides the small dent in it from where the rock hit, of course.

Her lips parted slightly and her blue eyes wide in awe, she reached down into the can and gingerly picked up the lamp, seeing how much more brilliantly it shone in the sunlight. She couldn't help but coo slightly to herself at it's beauty...

It looked expensive!

Who in their right minds would throw such a beautiful lamp away? She couldn't help but wonder silently, moving it in different directions to better examine it. She could still remember all those old legends Mr. Simmons had told them about, how GENIES lived in these things. She snorted involuntarily at the thought. Like she believed in GENIES. Please. As if to prove her point, she began rubbing down on the lamp with all her might, and after several seconds she stopped, staring at her reflection in the lamp and hooting with laughter at how she'd single-handedly proved that old myth wrong. Though a small part of her couldn't help but be a bit disappointed, that small part of her that couldn't help but hang on to those old myths and legends, because they gave her hope... hope for a better life; That small part of her that believed in fairies still, that teensy part of her that was still that young three year old girl who believed in love and magic and mermaids and imps... that small part that believed...

Almost instantly after having these depressing thoughts in the back of her skull, the lamp began to shake. Her eyes widened in terror and she gasped, dropping the lamp onto the floor, thinking that maybe a snake had crawled into it (Though it didn't occur to her that she lived in the CITY, and the possibility of seeing a snake was very unlikely).

But as soon as the lamp hit the floor, a red smoke puffed out of it and consumed the entire alley in a matter of seconds. Helga screamed, the smoke engulfing her, as she took in the strange (And VERY unexpected) scent of lilacs, lemons, and... donuts? Before she could ponder that thought any longer, though, the smoke began to clear up and she heard someone... someone coughing up a storm... BESIDES her...

"Ugh..." Some coughs. "Geez, I need to lay off on the smoke! WHOO!" More coughs.

As the bright red smoke continued to clear up, a very alarmed Helga was able to make out the form of someone beside her... Male, based on the deep, rough sound of his voice, and looking to have his hair made up in spikes, looking a bit shiny and gross from a bit too much hair gel, and looking to be a bit on the chubby side... She watched him straighten from his coughing fit, and her eyes widened a little... Okay, 'a bit' on the chubby side was a BIG understatement.

The smoke cleared completely, and she was able to see, standing before her, an undeniably obese, slightly tanned man standing before her, his half-lidded eyes a shiny silver and wearing a half-grin that didn't look totally sincere, wearing nothing but some red, loose fitting pants that looked to be made of silk, and an open white vest over his bulging stomach; His hair was white, and indeed quite spiky as she'd managed to make out before.

She gawked at the man, her eyes so wide she was afraid they might literaly pop out of their sockets.

He smirked slightly at her expression, nodding his head a little as if this was exactly what he was expecting. "Yeah... I know. I'm a genie. Real SHOCKER." He rolled his eyes, and in doing so he caught a glimpse of something gold on the ground, and as soon as he caught sight of it he gasped, instantly kneeling down to pick it up, and cradling it in his hands very gently. "You threw it on the ground?" He asked her loudly, a bit irritated. "Dude, it's a rental! I can't afford-" His words caught in his throat as he caught sight of the small dent in the gold plating, and a small squeak sound was all that managed to make it's way through his gaping mouth. After another moment of silence (Him just staring down at the lamp in his hands and Helga still just standing there with a look of utter shock and disbelief on her face), he just informed her point blank, "You're paying for this, you know." He gave her a stern, 'I know where you live' look.

Helga just stared at him, still unable to find her voice. And who could blame her? Her entire basis for living had just been shattered into a million pieces!

After still not being able to get a response out of her, the genie just sighed, rolling his eyes a little. "Still not over the shock yet. Fine." He sighed again, setting his lamp down on a box near his feet. "Well, I guess I'll just take this time to introduce myself. My name is Clay. It's nice to meet you, Helga. And before you say anything..." He waited a moment, giving her some time to respond maybe to what he'd just said, before blowing some steam out his nose and finishing at her blank face, "...or not - Yes, I know your name. I read it in my briefing this morning as I ate my morning donuts." He licked his lips a moment, before continuing, "I would have saved you some, but that's just not my way. So you should know the rules of this by now, unless you've been living in a hole your whole life. You get three wishes, no take backs or do-overs; You can wish for anything at all, EXCEPT for destroying or ruling the world or making someone fall in love with you or anyone else. Any questions?"

Helga blinked a few times, her voice coming out astounded and shocked, "Are you really a genie?"

Clay's eyes went dead at that question, his large arms falling limp at his sides. "Really? That's your question?" He rolled his eyes yet again, answering in a slow, steady voice to her, as if he was talking to a two-year-old, "_Yes, Helga, I am a genie_." He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at her. "Happy? Now could you just make your wishes and ruin your life already so I can get on with my own life?"

Helga frowned, her denial of this even happening finally clearing at his snotty attitude. She scowled darkly, and yelled at him in that usual Helga G. Pataki tone that made all the fifth graders run for the hills, "Hey, don't get snippy with me, ya big jerk! You're not the only one who wants you to leave, you know. This has simply NOT been my day today, and the last thing I need is an eye-sore and a headache rolled into one! So just shut up! Or _I'll MAKE YOU_!" She waved her fist in his face threateningly, giving him a very dangerous look.

Clay could only blink at the unexpected response, before a genuine smile crossed his face for the first time since they'd met, a reaction which Helga was definitely NOT expecting. "Oh, feisty. Nice." He chuckled, pulling his pants up a bit higher, completely unaffected by her threat. "Sorry, Helga. Just really hate my job. I'm sure you've heard enough adults complain about that kind of stuff. But it tends to get me in a bad mood most of the time, and based on your response, I'd say that you know the feeling..." She couldn't help but flush slightly and cross her arms over her chest in indignance, turning away from him with a scowl. He just chuckled at the reaction. "But try and be a little more enthusiastic here, babe. I'm a genie here to grant whatever your heart desires." He did a little bow as to emphasise his point.

Helga's eyes widened slightly at his last words, her anger forgotten for a moment, as one side of her eyebrow arched up in interest. "...Anything?" She asked slowly, putting a hand to her chin.

Clay smiled, his silver eyes half-lidded and shining at that mischievous yet truly delighted look in her eyes. "Absolutely anything." He assured her, staying low in a bow for another moment as he said this before standing back up fully to keep from toppling over.

Helga grinned, but it quickly diminished completely as a thought hit her. "Wait a second, didn't I hear you say something about rules?"

Clay shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal, a small half-smile on his chubby face. "Eh, there aren't that many. You just can't wish to rule the world, destroy the world, or have anybody fall in love with anyone else, including yourself."

Helga deflated slightly, a pouting look on her face as she mumbled to herself, "Well, there goes world domination..." She sighed again. "And my only chance at gaining Arnold's affections."

"Who?" Clay questioned, hearing someone's name mumbled lowly by her.

Helga looked up at him, gaining back most of her composure as she sighed again. "Arnold, the love of my life." She drooped again, sadly. "The only problem is that I'M not the love of HIS life."

Clay blinked, knowing what she meant instantly, as he offered a sympathetic smile and shrug. "Well, you may not be able to WISH for love outright, but most of my other clients have managed to bypass the rule."

Helga's interest was peaked. "How?"

He rubbed his nose, sniffling slightly in the dry heat of Hillwood, as he was so used to the cool air conditioning of his office and lamp. "Well, usually they just wish that they were their love interest's perfect match, that way they'd fall in love instantly." He chuckled at how dramatic some of those changes had been.

Helga looked pensive a moment, thinking that over. Was she really willing to change for her beloved? Was she willing to become LILA (AGAIN) just so she could gain his affections finally? Was she really that pathetic and desperate? The answer came to her as clear as day in her mind, without hesitation. She grinned up at him. "Sounds good! Lay it on me!"

Clay nodded, wiggling his ears easily as a puff of red smoke burst over her.

Her entire body tickled insanely, and she giggled mercilessly at the feeling, but once the tickling stopped all she was left to do was cough at the horrid red smoke. She beat her fist to her chest, her other hand waving away the smoke as she coughed.

Clay watched her carefully, the smoke just beginning to disappear as he came to see her new form and gasped in shock at what he saw... "Woa!"

The smoke finally clearing, Helga looked down at herself anxiously, seeing she was still wearing her pink dress and shoes... She felt around on her head and found her pink bow still in place, along with her pigtails, still as blonde as ever, and her skin still pale as pale could be... She felt around on her face, her nose still bulbous, her unibrow still in place, her lips still thin yet pouty... Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Nothing changed!"

Clay stared at her, baffled. "Huh... All the other people I've had to do that on always changed... and I mean they changed a LOT." He pursed his lips, scratching his head a second in thought. After a few moments of this, he just smiled carelessly and gave her a light shrug. "Well, I guess you're already his perfect match."

Helga gave him a pitiful, disbelieving look, outstretching her palms to help convey her point. "But he doesn't like me!"

Clay merely shrugged again, his eyes blank. "So he's dense. That's not my fault."

After a few moments of Helga trying really hard to figure out what was wrong, she finally settled on scowling at Clay with dark eyes. "No, I know what the problem is!" She pointed her finger at him accusingly. "You're a fake! Nothing but a bunch of smoke and mirrors! I can't believe I let you con me like this!" She looked around, angrily, the back of her fists going to her hips. "So? Where are the cameras? When is Ronnie Matthews going to come out and shake my hand for being such a 'good sport'?" She yelled at him.

But before Clay could so much as utter a word back, Helga stalked out of the alley, completely set on forgetting that THAT whole experience had ever happened.

Helga, a very dark scowl on her face, just stormed down the sidewalk, muttering to herself about what an idiot she'd been to even believe for a second that there was such a thing as GENIES. She rolled her eyes angrily. "As if..." She grumbled to herself, turning the corner and-

"OOF!"

"OW!"

And then she was on her back. She groaned painfully, sitting up to rub her freshly bruised head, and her eyes shut in slight agony. She could also hear someone else groaning in front of her, but before she could open her eyes and confirm her suspicion of who she'd crashed into, she heard the person gasp.

"Helga!" Her eyes flew open instantly at the sound of that voice, that voice she knew by heart, and her eyes came to rest on Arnold, who looked just as adorable as ever, his eyes open in surprise (Along with some other emotions she couldn't quite figure out), and his mouth forming a small 'o'. Her eyes widened at the sight of him. "Arnold!" She had to hold back a swoon just at the mere sight of him, as always, before she shook her head rapidly to rid herself of such thoughts and she scowled, standing up and dusting off her clothes, avoiding his eyes.

But before she could even utter one word of hatred or cruelty, Arnold had cut her off and was getting up off the floor, "Helga, I've been looking all over for you! You ran out so fast after the bell rang that I couldn't catch you!"

Helga blinked in surprise at that, but the look only lasted a second before she was scowling at him again. "Looking for me? Why would you be looking for ME, Football Head?" She asked defensively, her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed into suspicious slits.

She watched as a light blush colored his cheeks at her questioning, and she couldn't help but raise one side of her eyebrow at the strange reaction. He swallowed slightly, his hands going behind his back. "W-Well, I just wanted to talk to you about something..." He cleared his throat slightly, his eyes wandering as he racked his brain for something more to say that wouldn't make him blush more. "About... Um... about us..." He stared at his feet.

Her eyes widened considerably, and she gulped at what was undoubtedly coming next. She could hear it now, _"I'm sorry, Helga, but there is no 'us'. I like Lila, not you_." Her bottom lip quivered slightly at the inevitable. "Uh..." was all she could manage at the moment, knowing her heart was about to be shattered in mere seconds.

Arnold cleared his throat, willing himself to look up at her and offer an awkward smile. "Y-You still l-like me, right?"

She just stared at him, still unable to find her voice. She nodded very weakly, gripping at the hem of her pink dress, her knuckles turning a little white.

Arnold bit his lip, looking away, though she could see a very strange look of relief in his eyes. "O-Okay, good..." He sighed, looking back at her. "So... if you like me, and I..." He took a bold step towards her, and her eyes widened, taking a small step back in shock at his move. He swallowed hard, though his eyes did manage to go half-lidded at the adorably shocked look on her face. "...like you, then maybe we could get some ice cream o-or..."

"Woa, woa, woa! Stop RIGHT there!" Helga raised her voice slightly, her eyes still wide and her finger now pointed at his face to stop him from saying anymore. He just blinked at her, and she gave him an incredulous look. "What the HECK are you talking about, Football Head? I thought you liked Lila! I saw you staring at her with that stupid goofy look on yours earlier! You've made it quite clear that you're still ga-ga for her!"

Arnold gave her a look of total bewilderment, before his eyes lit up and he laughed nervously, his hand now rubbing his arm as his eyes snapped away awkwardly, feeling embarrassed. "I-I wasn't looking at Lila..."

Helga's face blanched at that admission, and she blinked several times. _'But if he wasn't staring at her, then who else could he-_' Her thoughts cut off right then when realization hit her, and a blush rose in her cheeks instantly. SHE had been sitting right next to Lila... She blinked in awe. The thought that he was staring at HER hadn't even crossed her mind.

Arnold glanced at her sheepishly, his hand still rubbing his arm. "I-I was looking at you..."

Helga stared at him a moment, seeing as how he'd just confirmed her suspicion, and as soon as everything that was happening finally caught up with her (Which took several seconds, of course, much to Arnold's growing anxiety), she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him in a flash, then gave him possibly the biggest kiss she'd ever given him in her whole life (Not including FTi, of course, though it WAS pretty close).

Arnold's eyes went as wide as could be, and he had to take a sharp intake of breath through his nose. Not to say he hadn't anticipated another possible kiss from her, and he'd very slowly come to terms with that, but he definitely hadn't expected it to come this SOON. Maybe after their first date, he could handle another one of her life shattering kisses, but NOW? He was about to try and pry her off of him, when a very unexpected thing happened (For both of them)... His eyes slowly began to shut, and his lips seemed to take on a mind of their own as they started to kiss her back very sweetly, as inwardly Arnold most likely WOULD have asked himself what the heck was going on with him (Since he'd only realized, like, yesterday that he possibly liked her as more than a friend, and then this morning had admitted he at the very least had a crush on her, but his crushes didn't usually involve him wanting to kiss anything other than maybe their hand), but his mind had become a bit fogged up from how close she was holding him to her and how her lips tasted vaguely of peaches. He liked peaches.

At the feeling of him kissing her back for once, and his hands even unconsciously coming up to rest on her upper arms, Helga only managed to hold him tighter to herself and kiss him with a little more force.

They probably would have kissed a lot longer, had it not been for the sound of collective gasps being heard from beside the two of them, which caused Helga's eyes to pop wide open in terror and her to finally let go of a now very wobbly Arnold. Her head snapped in the direction of where the gasps had come, and her pupils dilated in horror at the sight of their entire fifth grade class standing there, all holding baseball equipment (No doubt on their way to Gerald Field) and their jaws on the floor and eyes almost (ALMOST) as wide as Helga's.

All that Arnold managed to do, though, was fall back onto the building behind him, his legs pretty much dead at this point, and an oblivious grin on his face. Maybe the kissing wasn't so bad after all.

Helga gulped, staring at all their classmates, completely frozen in place, and her breaths coming out very shallowly.

And then it happened.

A tidal wave of laughter and mocking flooded out of all their mouths, cutting Helga deep and leaving her practically blinded by sheer horror. She'd gone deaf to what exactly they were saying about them, but it didn't matter what they were saying, because Helga knew that all it was was them all making a mockery of her love for Arnold, and right when she'd finally gotten him all for herself, too! She fell back against the wall behind her, next to Arnold who was only half-aware that they were being laughed at, and slowly slid down onto the floor, not sure what she could do other than just roll up into a ball and die. Oh, why did she have to kiss Arnold in broad daylight, and in PUBLIC? She just wished they'd never seen them kissing and were still oblivious...

Suddenly, then, the laughing stopped, and all the mocks and jeers were completely halted, as if they'd never happened.

"Hey, Arnold, Helga! We were just heading down to Gerald Field! Ya wanna come?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun! Come on!"

Arnold, still looking incredibly goofy, just shook his head slightly and waved them off with a, "N-No thanks... I think I'll just stay here." He sighed lightly to himself, still leaning against the building with a grin.

Helga, on the other hand, was completely shocked. All she was able to manage was a weak shake of her head, that sent the rest of their class on their way with a few collective, 'Okay, suit yourself's. She watched them walk away, as if nothing had ever happened, and slowly began to question whether or not she'd gone completely mad. Had she just imagined that they were laughing at them?

She let her head fall back against the building behind her, still positioned on the floor, as her blue eyes gazed at the sky for a moment in relief, concluding that whatever the heck happened, it didn't matter... That is until her eyes met with a familiar silver up in the sky. She blinked, rubbing her eyes before looking back up into the sky. Sure enough, there was Clay up in the sky, his arms crossed over his chest and a smug smile on his face. Her jaw dropped nearly all the way to the floor. Clay just grinned at her expression, before winking and disappearing in a cloud of red smoke.

Helga blinked a few more times, before a wave of joy suddenly overcame her, and she found herself laughing hysterically, gripping onto her stomach for dear life and nearly falling over. So he wasn't a fraud after all. Will wonders never cease?

After a few more seconds of laughter, she looked to her right to see Arnold staring at her with a look of both bewilderment and love. She sighed contently then, wiping a few tears from her eyes and standing up, slinging her arm around Arnold's shoulders in the process and beginning down the sidewalk. "You know what, Football Head? I think I will take you up on that ice cream offer. Only, I'm buying." She grinned.

Arnold gave her a confused look, still not understanding why she had been on the floor back there or why she'd been laughing so insanely, but he decided not to question it, and just offered a small smile in happiness that she'd accepted his offer. Though he had to raise an eyebrow. "Are you sure, Helga? When I asked, I kind of meant that I'd be buying. And isn't it supposed to be the guy who buys on the-the..." He couldn't help but blush at the word. "...first date?"

Helga shrugged, still with a grin, and her arm still around his shoulders. "Not to worry, Arnoldo. I'm my own woman, and you can always buy next time. Besides, I have a feeling money isn't going to be a problem for me." She winked.

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**A/N: **Like I said, gag fic. :D Hope you enjoyed!

_**REVIEW!**_


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